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The Boss
The Boss Helen Argyres
Helen is the backbone of the organization; executive chef, morale booster, crosstrainer, SAG driver, kit maintainer. Most important: She puts up with the craziness. She promotes strong coffee for optimal morning performance.
SAG driver Pikop Andropov
Prior to joining the team, Pikop drove for Ray and Tom Magliozzi. We were able to lure him to the west coast by promising borscht and pirozhki like his mother used to make, more sunshine than Cambridge, unlimited puzzlers, and continuously-streamed reruns of old radio shows. He does not text while driving.
Master mechanic Lou Spoltz
Lou served as lead wrench for many top-tier professional cycling teams, including 7Eleven, US Postal Service, and RadioShack. He has never tested positive for performance-enchancing drugs. He makes an excellent latte.
Speed coach Honore Wiell
Honore is a former Danish pursuit champion. Her favorite is pain au raisin, but she is also fond of berliners, cannoli, kringles, puff pastry wheels, snails, spandauers, and Krispy Kreme. She retired from racing after inexplicably ballooning to over 200 pounds.
Strength coach Moe Wrepps
Moe is a strong proponent of daily weight training. For gluts, hammies and quads, he recommends sitting and standing alternate sets, flexing and extending the biceps. He is a proponent of descending pyramid sequences, starting with 5 pounds, decreasing to 1 pound. These are best performed starting with full growlers, decreasing the weight slowly by removing the beer. Repeats are essential to increase strength and endurance. He suffers from selective hearing loss, particularly prone to miss the phrases "last call" and "closing time."
Power consultants Anne Ode & Cath Ode
Early in their careers, the twin sisters jointly occupied the Electric chair at Tesla Tech, where they published important papers on battery miniaturization and concealment. They were lured from academia for a start-up opportunity in 2016, in partnership with Belgian professional cyclist Femke Van den Driessche. They have recently developed a miniature battery that can generate over 200 watts for 20 minutes. The prototype was constructed from a dozen Peruvian hierloom potatoes, copper and zinc nails, and 18-gauge wire. Potato skins effectively cool and shield the battery components, so they are undetectable by current UCI protocols.
Audio feedback Bella Ringer
Bella enjoyed a long and tintinabulous musical career. Most notably, she served for many years as Associate Principal percussionist of the Cyclades Symphony. She now performs at race finish lines and tour summits, assisted by her husband, strength coach Moe Wrepps. Due to his hearing loss, you can often catch her strident reminders as riders approach: Moe! Cowbell!

Diamond Construction
Diamond Construction Inc.
••• gold partner •••
Mr Sparkle
Mr Sparkle Window Washers
••• silver partner •••

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